Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
