I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
