I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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