You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
