this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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