Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
