I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
