I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
