Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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