Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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