We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
