Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
