Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize