I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
