You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
