is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
