apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
