I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Shame - the story of my life.
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