just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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