Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
