dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
