Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
