I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
