So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
