that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
