i just sent this text using only my big toe
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
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She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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