So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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