in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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