just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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