Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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