Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
