Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
