At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you win again, gameday.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
