Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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