He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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