Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
