i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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