It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
