Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
