I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
