Do you still have your period?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
