my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
