but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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