A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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