When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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