I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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