Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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