so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.