so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
