i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.