You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.