Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
