Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

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(661): View more from California

I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(706): View more from Georgia

I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything

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(754): View more from Florida

Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.

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(04): View more from

This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.

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