No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
MIDGETS
????
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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