what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
