I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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