Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
