I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night