billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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