i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
