I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
