it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
