Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
