What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
