So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Your dad touched me again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
