dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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