Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize