I cockslap morals
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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