What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
