just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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