Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
nutella sex= disaster
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
