You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
