yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
